Spider-Man: Homecoming Alternate HISHE
S.H.I.E.L.D Agent: Take all evidence. Vulture: Yeah....fine... S.H.I.E.L.D Agent: Also search everyone here and make sure they don't leave with any of the chitari stones. Vulture: Huh? Wait I... S.H.I.E.L.D Agent: FOUND ONE! Vulture: Ahhh....nuts. OR.... Vulture: I'm gonna do whatever I can to support my family by stealing from S.H.I.E.L.D! Shocker: Oh....that's one idea.....but wouldn't it be better if we used this stuff for good....maybe become Avengers too? Vulture: Oh....that sounds a lot cooler. Also it'll give us more respect for being the little people! And I know just what to call myself! YEARS LATER..... Falcon: You're gonna need some help to stop Hydra and this Winter Soldier. Captain America: It's ok, I know a guy. Bird Man: Hey, how's it going. I'm the Bird Man! Falcon: What!?! But I wanted to be the bird themed superhero! This ain't fair! Why are you doing this? Bird Man: Maybe...it's because I'm.... Batman: Stop right there. You've been Bat Sued. Bird Man: Awww crap. There goes my movie deal. FAST FORWARD.... Peter: I can keep the suit? Tony: Yep, doesn't fit me, but this doesn't make you an Avenger. Peter: What? Why not? Iron Man: You're inexperienced. Peter: You kidding me!?! You let everyone become Avengers as soon as the first mission is done! Even Hawkeye became an Avenger the second after he killed a bunch of people being brainwashed! You also let that dangerous Scarlet Witch become an Avenger when her goal was to kill you from the start! Tony: Wow....when you put it that way......ok, you're now an Avenger. Peter: Damn right! You think I wanna go to school with that prick Flash Thompson and build Lego deathstars!?! No way! And you can't tell me what to do! You aren't my dad uncle yet! Happy: Jeez Tony, I'm gonna have to side with the kid here. You've been acting like a real douche lately. Tony: Shut up! Just drive us back to the tower. I got a deal to settle. Norman Osborn: Yes....soon Avengers Tower will be....OSCORP TOWER!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAAAA! FASTFORWARD.... Flash: Hey Penis Parker! Peter: That draws the line. LATER.... Spider-Man: You hurt my pal Peter again and it'll be a lot worse! Flash screams like a little girl, hanging on the side of a skyscraper, covered in web. Spider-Man: Great power comes great responsibility to whoop your sorry ass! FASTFORWARD...... Spider-Man: You guys aren't the real Avengers! What the...AGH! Wow, is that the gravity gun from Half Life!?! WOOOOW! FASTFORWARD..... Spider-Man: That them on the boat? Karen: Yes. How should we handle this? Spider-Man: I'll tell you how....WEB GRENADE! (Traps em all with a lot of Web grenades) Vulture: Ahhhh! Sticky! Spider-Man: Yeah! Woooh! OR..... Tony: I want the suit back. Peter: But I'm nothing without this suit! Tony: If you were nothing without the suit, then you never should've had it to begin with! Peter: Wha? Then what the hell does that make you!?! Tony: Uhhhh genius playboy billionaire philanthropist? Peter: That's your answer for everything! No way! I'm keeping the suit! Tony: Oh no you don't, you're giving me that suit! Peter: Yeah? Well WEB GRENADE! (Traps Tony in a giant glob of web.) Tony: AGHH! PETER! Why the hell did I get outta my suit to talk to you!?! Peter: For the last time, you are not my dad uncle! Tony: Get me outta this! Peter: Oh you'll get out, in two hours! FASTFORWARD..... Vulture: You must be Pedro. I'm Liz's dad. Peter: Ahhh hell no. WEB GRENADE! (Traps him in grenade) Peter: Liz, I'm in love with you, and don't wanna see you hurt. I'm Spider-Man and this man is a criminal. Check this out...Karen, activate the.....Spider-HOLOGRAM! (Shows him as Vulture) Liz: Dad! How could you!?! Peter: You are a bad father! You're just like my wannabe dad uncle! FASTFORWARD...... Spider-Man: Wow I....wait...why am I driving? It would be quicker to web there! (Web slings to the factory early) Vulture: As soon as my suit is charged, he's so dead! Spider-Man: Sneak attack! Vulture: AGH DANGIT!!!! FASTFORWARD...... Tony: Welcome to the Avengers. Peter: YES! YES YES YES YES! Tony: You aren't gonna reconsider, are you? Peter: Dude, the girl I loved is gone, Flash is an asshole, MJ is a bitch.... Stan Lee as janitor: Wait, she's suppose to be MJ? Peter: And my only true friend keeps bugging me all the time as some guy in a chair. No way, we're doing this right. Tony: Wow.....ok, let's do it. You're roomies with Vision. Peter: AWESOME! LIFE IS WONDERFUL! LATER AT THE CAFE.... Superman: Wait, which Spider-Man are you? Garfield or Maguire? Spider-Man: What? Batman: Ignore him.....so I heard you stopped helping New York since becoming an Avenger. Spider-Man: It's all good....some group called the defenders are handling it....plus shield agents and something called an Inhuman. Plus, check out this sweet suit! You would have to be a complete idiot to turn down this offer! Superman: Well....that is a pretty sweet suit. Spider-Man: I even got a cool name for it....the Iron Spider! Batman: You do realize that the plane debris from your fight with Vulture killed like....a ton of people? Spider-Man: Like you guys are to talk....COUGH....bat mobile massacre....COUGH....Zod fight. Superman: We....don't really like to talk about that. So now what? Spider-Man: Living it up now. Gonna save the world as a kickass Avenger! Batman: Well....you know that I would've done to become an Avenger? Spider-Man: Throw a web bombed batarang? Batman: Exactly! Out of all three Spider-Men, you are my favorite! Spider-Man: Thanks I....wait what? Maguire Spider-Man: (Crying) I....I don't understand!?! He gets the cool suit....and meet Iron Man....but I'm Spider-Man!?! Garfield Spider-Man: I should've settled with Facebook..... Category:Alternate Endings